Trash

Leaving a woman alone in her own thoughts left to assume what is being unsaid by you will undoubtedly lead to the failure of the union. Your silence and inability to see the perceptions from the other side slowly kills her. Nonchalantly you toss her to the side like trash deciding you will take care of it later. But some trash disintegrates or disappears before you have the opportunity to clean it up yourself....

I Believe in You and Me

Originally I was going to blog about something completely different but because of recent events I was moved into another direction. I am just going to go with the flow...
I remember the first time I heard the voice of Whitney Houston, back then I actually thought I was going to be a singer. I would go around the house belting out I Will Always Love You so much so that my family begged me to stop! But I just couldn't, The Bodyguard was and is one of my favorite movies of all time. In a
sense Whitney Houston was an idol to me.
As I grew older and my dreams began to change her life and reputation became tarnished by scandals and drugs. She still had the voice that no other could compare to. With that said I still have parts of that little girl in me who is a die hard Whitney fan and I can't help be disgusted by some of the responses and reactions about the death of an Icon. Yes she struggled for years with substance abuse but she fought and that should not discredit her legacy at all. How dare people make jokes about her death while her family mourns, how dare anyone minimize the impact and or the relevancy of her death, furthermore why is it that the media focuses so much on her substance abuse as her demise and the emotional state of Bobby Christina? Me being involved with media, it is very disheartening to see the industry more specifically the news programs sensationalizing her death and struggles. Why can't we just honor her memory, her music rather than figure out if drugs killed her? Sometimes media is so strategically damaging, forgetting about humanity and being respectful. Why can't we just honor the Icon and graceful woman she was respectfully? It is unfortunate how some don't appreciate something until it is gone. Music has always been something that heals me and I feel like our generation grew up on her and yet I see such a lack of compassion...
It is black history month and whether anyone likes it or not Whitney Houston is a part of history. I was watching 2012 BET Honors the other night and honoree Beverly Kearney's inspiring words resonated with me....

"People always ask me how is it that you succeed in spite of your obstacles...I don't have a choice...because my hero is my history and my history is a legacy of people who have triumphed over tragedy who have succeeded in spite of the oppression how can I fail because they have taught me failure is not an option...And I serve a God who has empowered the magic that makes me understand that we are all as a people destined to succeed."

I challenge everyone to do and be better, life is too short to waste on anything less. Don't focus on the past but never forget it, fall forward to the dreams and goals of your future.Fall forward into the visions that were paved out for us by our history, by our history that was not able to experience it themselves. Are you Ready? To quote one of my favorite Whitney songs I believe in you and me, I believe that we will be be...so much more.

There is none like YOU

I am so blessed with the people God has placed in my life. Over the years many have come and gone teaching me lessons about myself. But these roots have remained deep in the soil and have grown into something so beautiful. I've shared my sorrows and my dreams with them and they never cast judgment but they remain supportive. I can be vulnerable with them. To so many I come across as a strong woman but there have been times that I have broken down but there was always someone to pick me up and push me forward. They sometimes believe in me more than I believe in myself and see things in me that have yet be revealed to me. I appreciate them more than words can say. With all my imperfections they still remain rooted and keep me anchored. Together we have grown. We have gone through our share of drama, heartbreaks, success, failures and happiness. I love that you see us growing old together and see our paths intertwined in the future. You are my daily inspirations and I thought of no better way to express how much you mean to me by writing this to you. I am truly grateful that you are in my life. I am encouraged by our history, by the steps we are taking now and the road in which we are headed. Words will never be enough to fully explain what you mean to me but I hope these words find the place in your heart where our friendship rests and resonates with you on a daily bases. Thank You for what you are to me.

Beauty

They say beauty is skin deep but true beauty lies within. We spend so much time on the superficial when in all reality there is no stability or promise in that. I've had lots of conversations about beauty lately more so the importance it plays in a relationship. I always pose 3 questions during my conversations:

1. How important is beauty/looks to you?
2. What do you consider beautiful/attractive?
3. The friends that you say are beautiful/attractive, would you still say that if they weren't your friends but rather a stranger you see on the streets?

The last question gets them every time. What makes that person so beautiful to you? If it was their looks then it wouldn't matter if you knew them or not, they would be beautiful. I propose that what makes them truly beautiful is their personality and their spirit, not the surface that is constantly fading and changing. In my mind looks have become too important. I'm not saying that it shouldn't be a factor. As humans that is how we operate taking everything at face value, my only point is how big of a factor. I think I just got tired of the word ugly, even when I used it myself. In reality I didn't know them to call them ugly. Furthermore some of the most attractive people I know have a real ugliness about them.

As I grow and experience more I'm understanding the real meaning of beauty and it exceeds a pretty face and a nice body, true beauty is way deeper than that. 'Food for Thought'

Ingrates

Being grateful means being humble. It means giving thanks and showing others gratitude. Maybe I have too much time on my hands or I am just maturing but I’ve been encountering A LOT of ungrateful and disrespectful people:

The people who take and never give, never appreciating and acknowledging all that is done for them. The people who are ungrateful in relationships taking for granted everything they have. They throw around the word commitment but not really ready or even committing. The people who take advantage of their friends and family's kindness as long as it benefits them. The ones who contact you only when they have issues but will never respond when you contact them. The ones who always talk and never listen. The people who always complain about what isn't instead of being grateful for what is. The people who blame everyone for their issues instead of taking responsibility and doing everything in their power to change it. The people who harp so much on the past, stuck in their misery that anyone who is around is stuck with them. The people who always ask for and expect honesty but when it is given to them they throw it back in your face as if the truth was unwarranted. Or how about people who keep a checklist of all they have done for you so when they ask you for something they will throw if back in your face and put you on a guilt trip if you dare say no. Lastly the people who expect everything without any hesitation from you but who only gives you some things you expected. I could go on for days about all the ungrateful people I've encountered over the years but I think I have presented an overall description of all my encounters. Ungrateful people are so draining and if you’re not careful they will drain you so much that you will have nothing left to give, not even to yourself. You may be seen as selfish but I'm learning that nothing and no one should come before your own happiness. Furthermore, no one should make you feel bad about doing more for yourself. I'm done doing for people who don't appreciate it and won't do for themselves. I'm done feeling sorry for people who are not on my level or choose to fall behind. I'm learning I can't be there for everyone without falling behind myself. To all my ‘ingrates’ thanks for my lessons, maybe I'll see you at the top.

Musically Enchanted

Single Dilemma: Risky Behavior

One thing about being single for so long is every time you meet someone new it is a challenge because it is very unfamiliar. You start asking yourself and friends a lot of questions and proposing a lot of ‘what if’s’ relying on your past experiences to evaluate your present. Am I talking to him because he is there and sweet enough or do I genuinely like him? Am I looking past red flags that once would have been so apparent to me just to keep him around? Is he going to be like my past and is he going to hurt me? Should I take the risk and let him in? Questions like these from the conversations I've been having get us so overwhelmed. Women tend to over think things a lot but when it comes to the matter of putting our hearts out there, these questions and reservations need to be addressed. The only thing is we spend so much time going over our past experiences and what we don’t want to happen again that we lose sight of what we want for our future because we are stuck in the past. Fear is definitely a big time player in this single life. As I am meeting guys I am getting easily flustered because I forgot how to do this... I forgot how to get to know and develop a romantic relationship with a man. I have to get used to this unfamiliar, unknown feeling and put my fears aside. I have to get comfortable in having conversations and letting a man know all parts of me. Opening up to this magnitude is hard for any woman, especially one with trust issues and/or a woman who has been hurt in the past. It makes us vulnerable and that is scary.

I feel like all my conversations have turned into talks of relationships and everyone who is single is in limbo, unsure of the next step to take. Since I am in this phase myself I am stuck at this midpoint with all of my other singles. But a’ man of potential’ told me something that has stuck with me. He said; life is full of risks, every time you wake up, walk across the street, get into your car you are taking a risk…everything is a risk so why not take a risk on me? I legitimately had no answer for him but deep down I understood where he was coming from. I know opening up is always the hard part and it is easier said than done, but if you don’t take the risk you will never know what could have been. I know the majority of my friends don’t want to look down the road and question their decisions or what if they had chosen otherwise. So I challenge all my single friends to engage in a little risky behavior this week. Whether it is with a guy or some other aspect in your life. Let’s get comfortable taking risks so when another relationship comes our way we will not be so reluctant to take that chance. Let the risk taking begin.

How To Love

There are so many songs in the world that we relate to, that we know all the words to. When it comes to love songs; if it has the right voice, right sound and some truthful lyrics that song becomes your situation. That song manages to sum up your entire situation. I don't know if I believe that songs always can be used to describe your situations exactly, but I will say sometimes they help say things that you won't or can't say. Sometimes music can be your voice. They can even help put things into perspective or make you cry a little more....
Either way I love music! So when I heard Lil Wayne's -How to Love... I fell in love. If you really listen to the lyrics it says a lot from a very unexpected voice. Kudos to Lil Wayne

Just ME

“There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:

This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.

When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.”

-Stacey Charter

Need I say more....

Single Dilemma

After all these years I have still not figured out or understood the concept of being single. Since graduating I can't tell you how many conversations I have had about being in relationships and being single. I am still young but I can't help to think I want to get married and have kids; when is Mr. Right going to show up. Then I question maybe my standards are too high and maybe I need to readjust them. Is it too much to want someone taller than me, who is college educated and preferably dark skinned? Is that too picky? I think out of all my friends my criteria is the least detailed. Should women have to settle in order to finally get the relationship that so many of us want? Do we date the guy with a kid or the guy who is not sure what he wants to do in life? Do we date someone who we are not physically attracted to but he has a nice personality? I was talking to my mom and she said something that resonated with me; "looks are only an introduction but someone can become very ugly based on their disposition. Looks can attract you but they damn sure don’t keep you."
When do we as women finally get what we want? I'm 22 going on 23 but time is going by so fast, I feel like something has to give. I am not expecting to meet my husband but I do want to meet a man that I can finally have a relationship with that will allow me to really understand what I want in a man. I want a man of potential, a stepping stone to my future husband. I want to go on dates and avoid the late night texts (we all know what those mean). I want to be reminded that men are still capable of chivalrous acts. I would love to be in a serious relationship where I can give my all to someone else.

Then there are the people who are in serious relationships. Some of them are beautiful and show me that there is still such a thing as love. But then there are others who are so undeserving. Both men and women are cheating on their significant others and thinking nothing of it, the girl or guy that slept with all of their counterpart's friends is the one in a relationship. Now I know hating on others will do nothing for us single ladies and probably make it harder to find love but it still baffles me! It's sort of like a slap in the face when people are so nonchalant about commitment.Some people who have it don't appreciate it while those longing for it would cherish it.

Being single is not always bad and sometimes is needed. But if you are single for too long you start to wonder if you need to make a change. A guy I recently met asked me a very simple question that to me does not have a simple answer. Why am I single? If you are single and have a difficult time answering this question like I did, it may be time to think about why you are single, is it by choice or just circumstance? Is there someone in your life that is ready to be with you but you are fighting because he doesn't meet your qualifications or are you scared that he just may be to good to be true? This will probably be one of many blogs chronicling the single life talk with me and my friends wish us luck!

The Beginning: Unexpected Surprise

What do you do when you find someone you vibe with on a mental level? Would you fight it or give into it? A person like me who questions everything would fight it looking for one slip up to knock this unexpected surprise of his pedestal. Call it pessimism but everyone is flawed and everyone has their weaknesses. Curiosity pulls me in never wanting to stop conversing. Slowly but surely opening myself up more and more, seeing myself in rare form. Once guarded, now open to the unexpected. Musically intertwined never missing a beat… he’s beautiful.

Beautiful can turn into a disaster if we become out of sync, if one isn’t open to let it be. Consciously meaning well but subconsciously doing harm. In such a raw environment holding back is nearly impossible without hurting someone. With anything unexpected you have to prepare for the unknown; simply said never get comfortable because your unexpected surprise will shock you.

Unexpected but a welcomed surprise, the moment I heard his voice there was a sweetness and familiarity in his tone. The bond between us seemed instant and at times overwhelming. The connection was positively undeniable, always bringing a smile to my face without even trying. There is a genuine goodness in him that seeps out so naturally. It is inspiring. Some may see may see this description as the beginning of a beautiful love story but it’s a story of fascinating person who I was suppose to meet. Whether he’s around for a season or a lifetime I am glad that we encountered each other.

Men vs. Women

When us women get hurt we withdraw ourselves, fearful to open up to someone else and risking getting hurt again. We as women become reclusive and cautious, hurting internally. Men for the most part are the complete opposite. When they get hurt they externalize everything and take their hurt out on others. One woman hurts them and it pretty much a wrap for all future woman. Most likely they will play quite a few girls until all their pain has gone away and they are sincerely healed. And that is if they are ever ready to move forward and still believe in love. Girls have a habit of taking out their past on men as well but it comes from a place of fear and hurt and with guys it comes from hurt, anger and the need for pay back.

I am trying this new thing and trying not to generalize men and women but it’s so damn hard, because so many fit into my generalizations. But with that said these are just my opinions based on men and women I have encountered. If you feel you don’t fit either description so be it. I’m more so interested in those who do fit. When do people allow themselves to let go and open themselves up again? I’m so curious!